We made these very good muffins this weekend, with cardamom, marzipan and pears. And Frida Viola made the hama heart for Molly. A says everything is getting more and more girlish around here. I guess he's right. When Frida Viola was born I was very careful with her clothes and toys, not wanting everything to be pink. I try to do the same with Molly - but with a 3-years old in kindergarten it seems almost impossible to avoid the wast impact of barbie, princesses, pink and glitter. And I see that we are very strict compared with many other homes (no barbies, no disney plastic), but I do find it a difficult issue... What are your experiences...?
Kære Inger Marie, det er så viktigt at diskutere alt det med at kønne børn! Jeg tror, at mange forældre & pædagoger gør det bevidst eller ubevidst. Vores børn går/har gået i Rudolf Steiner børnehave, og det i sig selv løser/udskyder problemet, da der hos dem hverken er plastik eller særligt drenge/pige legetøj. Det er så dejligt, at børn bare får lov til at være børn. Selv om der selvfølgelig er forskel på drenge og piger. Men der er jo mange måder at være dreng eller pige på.
ReplyDeleteVi er mindst ligeså strikse hos os, ved du!
Og så må jeg desværre sige, at problematikken vokser, når ens barn kommer i skole. Og der tror jeg næsten, at det er sværere at være dreng, hvis man som vores fx ikke spiller fodbold. Kram Sophie
Kære Sophie. Du har jo "en af hver" og kan på den måde helt sikkert bedre se tingene fra begge sider. Jeg har selv en søster, og jeg elskede de meget "pigede" lege, på trods af at vores forældre gav os værktøj, brio og avancerede lego byggesæt. Jeg synes faktisk, jeg har svært ved at lege de mere "drengede" lege med Frida Viola - men til gengæld lægger jeg masser af energi i de mere køns-neutrale aktiviteter som legeplads, spil og krea-projekter. Vi har/har haft begge piger skrevet op til den lokale Steiner vuggestue og børnehave - men ventelisten er så lang.
DeleteEarlier I never thought that the gender roles are so fixed among the children themselves. My 5-year-old boy would never wear something pink or glitter, he's the football-/skateboard-liking type of boy in blue. We gave him a doll when he was 3, but he never wanted to play with it.
ReplyDeleteNow his little brother has adopted the baby doll - and is carrying it around the whole day, put the doll to sleep etc - we are thrilled! So we draw new hope that not everything is already determined ;-)
Saskia - I love this little story about your two boys! Maybe the most important thing is to keep in mind, that kids are so different - no matter the gender.
DeleteAh! Interesting issue, Inger Marie; this is something I know very well ;)
ReplyDeleteI have a 5 years old girl and she's been wearing her brown-grey-blue or black leggins plus a white t-shirt or a top since she started school (she was 9 months old). I was firm on my decision to avoid pink and cartoon characters from her closet but at some point I had to bend my rules a little (I remark a little) when I observed her jaw dropping when meeting little friends of her wearing a suit or a skirt or something glittering and I remember I thought she was only a child and I had to watch her world with her eyes. Since she's not a capricious girl and she doesn't make fuss when we do shopping I let her choose an item (which of course need my approval)occasionally. The rest is obviously up to me. Luckly on the toy side she's a very neutral kind of girl: she's been loving playing cards (djeco are wonderful) since she was 3, she draws like a mad (we bought her very good materials) and she doesn't like dolls at all. I applied the same rule here: we supported her with fine material or toy when we discover a real interest in her (books, cards,drawing,puzzles) and we allow her to buy something occasionally with... her own money (little savings from birthday gift or special occasion) so she has to choose very carefully.
This seems to work well in our family and I'm noticing that platic toys are losening their charm on her altough she still plays with 'my little ponies' sometimes. What worried me was that the "forbidden" could became "the desired".
We, anyway, bought her very few items.
Thank you for having shared your experience, Inger Marie, I'm curious too to hear other opinions or advices :)
Elisa: Such a nice and long reply. I love to hear about your experiences with your daughter. I think your advices are very good - and it also feels good to hear that others are just as strict as we are!
DeleteHow I empathise with you Inger Marie, I also dislike disposable, plastic toys made-in-China. I have 3 children & there are so many outside influences ie. schoolfriends, television, family and hand-me-down plastic toys. I find it very difficult to "control" what comes into our house as surrounding people don't often share the same "strict" view. Christmas is unfortunately often about quantity rather than quality. I'd love to hear more about your methods of keeping out the plastic, Elizabeth.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth: You are absolutely right about influences from outside - and that it is so hard to control what comes into the home. I think I have been very clear regarding our principles and I feel that we are so lucky that both family and friends have accepted this, so that gifts, christmas and hand-downs are only a big pleasure to receive. But I do think this will change as my girls are growing older and more clear about their own wishes.
DeleteDette bliver vist et halv feministisk indlæg - selvom jeg ikke helt ved om det er det du spørger om :)
ReplyDeleteJeg syntes det er rigtig svært når min pige på 5 år kommer hjem fra børnehaven og taler om pigefarver og drengefarver og om hvad piger kan og ikke kan. Jeg husker meget tydeligt at jeg som barn altid fik at vide at jeg skulle have været en dreng, fordi jeg elskede at klatre i træer og lege politi og røvere. Men jeg ville ikke være en dreng. Jeg ville bare være mig selv.
Jeg syntes dog også man skal passe meget på med ikke at stemple alt hvad der er lyserødt og dermed traditionelt noget vi ser på som feminint, som noget forkert og det "drenge-agtige" som det rigtige. Det skal være ligeværdigt i mine øjne. Jeg syntes som sådan ikke der er nogets som helst galt med glitter etc. så længe der er balance i tingene. Det skal ikke være forkert at elske en prinsessekjole.
Det er svært at ændre på hvad ens barn møder ude i verden, men som med så meget andet med børn må man forsøge selv at gå forrest med det gode eksempel og dermed indpode de værdier man syntes ens barn skal skal tage med sig videre i deres liv.
Jeg har iøvrigt helt samme oplevelse med at få barn nr 2. Med den første gik jeg meget op i at undgå lyserødt osv. Nu finder jeg det faktisk ikke betyder helt så meget for mig længere.
Ida: Hvor er det godt at høre din mening! Jeg genkender præcis det med drengefarver og pigefarver og drengelege og pigelege. Indtil for nyligt var Frida Violas absolutte yndlingsfarve blå - men lige pludselig er hun blevet bevidst om, at det ikke er helt "efter reglerne". Jeg har det præcis som dig ift. at det lyserøde også kan være fint - jeg elsker faktisk selv lyserøde farver, men dog nok på en lidt anden måde - og prinsessekjoler kan også skabe basis for en hel masse fantastiske lege - men jeg synes dog, det kan være vildt svært at skabe balance i tingene, som du skriver. Det er nok endnu en af de udfordringer, vi som forældre, må engagere os i.
DeleteHi all you - thanks for all your wonderful, good and thoughtful comments. So good to hear your experiences and opions!
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